are you still at the devil's house?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
