i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
