Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
and you fell through a lawn chair
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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