My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
