And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
