K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You can't special order awesome
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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