drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
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theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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