that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
