You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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