i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
