tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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