She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
