I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse