Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?