yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked