Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
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i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.