I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
