Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.