"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful