...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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