He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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