I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
