mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
