I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize