He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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