So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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