I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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