Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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