there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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