the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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