Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
