I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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