I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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