You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
