At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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