life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize