someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my being single is dangerous.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
