why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
