I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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