you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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