When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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