I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She said her name was "party"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
