question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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