just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i already hear my dad disowning me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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