She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
