Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
