Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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