My first STD was from a foam party
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people