So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
