when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
4 words: hood of his car
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?