five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
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NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
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I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.