I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard