i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
