You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
