If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
