D3 body, D1 cock
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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