This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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