My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
