Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
