He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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