Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
