Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
