And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
