He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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