They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
