Your tits are I can't wait for
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
