She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
