Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
