8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
