Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
