I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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