Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
