dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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