just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
